The following is my contribution to Lois Einhorn’s book, Forgiveness and Child Abuse, Would YOU Forgive (Robert D. Reed Publishers, 2006). I was included because I was Lois’ therapist when her memories surfaced. Others among fifty three contributors include: Mumia Abu-Jamal, Patch Adams, M.D., Edward Asner, Rubin “Hurricane” Carter, Laura Davis, Thomas Eagleton, Albert Ellis, Lynne Finney, Linda Hogan, Daniel Quinn, Pete Seeger, Bernie Siegel, M.D., Gerry Spence, and Kenneth Wapnick. Autographed copies of the book are available at a discount through the author‘s website, http://loiseinhorn.com

Reminiscence: Therapeutic life review with people nearing the end of life.
Early in life, it is important for our emotional health and growth to look forward, planning for the future. As we age, however, it becomes more important to look back and enjoy the finished product. We need to talk over our accumulated experience, reviewing and reminiscing to make sense of it all, and to come to terms with the choices we have made.

Contrary to popular belief, depression is not a "normal" part of the aging process, but a treatable mental health condition. Symptoms of depression include feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, helplessness, guilt, isolation and unrealistically negative beliefs about oneself. These feelings not only affect the depressed person, but also their family members and loved ones.

Depression is unlikely to go away by itself, and the guidance of a professional counselor, in addition to a physician, is often warranted. In fact, psychotherapy has been found to very likely help the depressed senior live a happier, more fulfilling life and decrease the risk of suicide.

There are a number of things a loved one or caregiver can do to help alleviate a depressed senior's depression.

These include:
* Making sure the depressed person sleeps and eats
regularly.
* Reinforce rewarding experiences and activities
* Explore spiritual/religious beliefs as a source of
    personal comfort and support
* Allow the depressed person to tell his or her story
   through techniques such as guided journaling, letter
   writing, autobiography or collage.

A counselor or psychotherapist trained in narrative therapy can be particularly helpful for helping seniors find meaning and a sense of integrity and ease their feelings of depression.

Narrative therapy is particularly helpful in helping depressed clients reconcile the inevitable losses incurred over a lifetime and find meaning in those losses in the context of their lives through the telling of the story of their lives. The role of the narrative therapist is to bear witness to the complexity and rich nuances of the evolving story and collaborate with the client in to make sense of his or her losses and find healing and growth through the process of reconciling those losses and acknowledging the contributions they have made in their lives.

Call or e-mail Beth Patterson at 303-817-8571 or bethpatt@mac.com

Feelings of pain from the loss of a loved one can be hard on our emotions, but are a normal and healthy part of life.  Feelings of grief from even small losses in day-to-day life transitions at home or work can also make us feel overwhelmed, but are also normal.  The hard part is to get through the door that leads to a place of healing and peace.

In my practice, I use a strength and health based approach. I believe that each human being possesses inherent wisdom to access their strengths and resilience in times of suffering. In the journey of grief and loss, your strengths can be obscured by the intensity of your feelings of helplessness and loss.  I can help you create some space around that intensity, to give a new perspective and hope for change, transformation, and transition in your life. 

 Allowing ourselves to deeply feel our pain in a safe environment can open us to acceptance and peace. By allowing ourselves to experience and express our suffering, we can see that suffering is common to all, and that understanding helps us find a meaningful way to grow, transform hopelessness into hope and possibility. When you experience your own unique grief, you can tap into its universality which will lessen feelings of hopelessness and isolation. You will also feel a deeper connection with others and the human condition.  This is the transpersonal and transformative work of healing grief.

If you are experiencing grief or loss, I can help you navigate life’s difficult transitions and transform them into healing and growth.  
Call me at 303-817-8571 or e-mail me at bethpatt@mac.com.

This article is about how to feel better when you are feeling overwhelmed with negative or sad thoughts. Reading and understanding this article is a good way to figure out how to feel better now and continue feeling better in the future. If you are feeling any intense negative emotion, such as anger, depression, jealousy, grief etc., this process of creating space between You and you may help.

Although uncontrolled anger can be quite costly, when channeled properly anger can also be very positive. Among other things, anger can motivate us to work harder to accomplish our goals. This could mean playing harder on the defensive end in a basketball game, studying longer for an exam, or putting in more time when learning to play an instrument.

Good communication will help you Enhance Positive and
Decrease Negative interactions with your partner by enabling both of you to:
   1. Avoid Misunderstandings, Fights and Emotional Distance
   2. Disagree, Yet Argue Respectfully and Constructively
   3. Know When and How to Talk, and When and How to Listen
   4. Resolve Problems Through Discussion
   5. Engage in Frank Discussions in Which Each of You a) Reveals to Your Partner Your Agenda of Needs,Wishes, and Expectations and b) Develops a Clear Understanding of How to Fulfill This Agenda to Your Partner's Satisfaction
   6. Share Your Life With Your Spouse in Love, Companionship and Bonding

Getting the message across to the other person is the essence of communication. Therefore, the communicator should be able to: 1. Express himself clearly, concisely and in a friendly manner, 2. Use skill in gearing his words to the setting and context of the situation as well as the person to whom he is talking, and 3. Make sure that he is understood. In all relationships, but especially in the context of a marriage or couple relationship, the speaker should also encourage and be warmly receptive and sensitive to his partner's communications.

Assertive communication, one of the  most important anger control tools, can be accomplished using a technique known as the Compliment Sandwich.  In order to minimize the other person's defensiveness, you would begin with a compliment (the first piece of bread), then present your complaint or criticism (the meat), and then finish with another compliment (the second piece of bread). When used appropriately, the Compliment Sandwich can be very helpful in managing your anger.

Anyone who has experienced a breach of trust knows the pain and confusion of trying to rebuild it.  Many couples and families have experienced situations in their lives that lead to the loss of trust in someone.  It can be a fairly minor incident, like a teen being late for a few too many curfews, or it can be major, like an infidelity in a relationship.  The person who lied feels they can never do enough to be trusted again.  The one who was lied to feels they would be foolish to become too accepting, too soon. Here are some guidelines that can help in rebuilding trust: