The following is my contribution to Lois Einhorn’s book, Forgiveness and Child Abuse, Would YOU Forgive (Robert D. Reed Publishers, 2006). I was included because I was Lois’ therapist when her memories surfaced. Others among fifty three contributors include: Mumia Abu-Jamal, Patch Adams, M.D., Edward Asner, Rubin “Hurricane” Carter, Laura Davis, Thomas Eagleton, Albert Ellis, Lynne Finney, Linda Hogan, Daniel Quinn, Pete Seeger, Bernie Siegel, M.D., Gerry Spence, and Kenneth Wapnick. Autographed copies of the book are available at a discount through the author‘s website, http://loiseinhorn.com

Although uncontrolled anger can be quite costly, when channeled properly anger can also be very positive. Among other things, anger can motivate us to work harder to accomplish our goals. This could mean playing harder on the defensive end in a basketball game, studying longer for an exam, or putting in more time when learning to play an instrument.

Assertive communication, one of the  most important anger control tools, can be accomplished using a technique known as the Compliment Sandwich.  In order to minimize the other person's defensiveness, you would begin with a compliment (the first piece of bread), then present your complaint or criticism (the meat), and then finish with another compliment (the second piece of bread). When used appropriately, the Compliment Sandwich can be very helpful in managing your anger.

Are the discipline techniques you are trying to use with your children not working? One common technique used by many parents is time-out. However, time-out is often unintentionally implemented incorrectly by many parents. Find out how!

For years, parenting experts have advised us to use tools such as reward and punishment to discipline our children.  That seemed to make sense.  It was logical.  If we want our children to exhibit a certain behavior, reward them.  Give them a treat.  Give them a clear incentive to follow direction, get good grades, respect their elders, etc.  Naturally, it follows that to stop unwanted behavior we should “punish” our children.  We yell, spank, threaten and over-react to send a very clear message to our young ones that this is a behavior we ought not see again.  Does this method of discipline work?  Maybe for a moment, but at a high cost.

 We have been in a new era of child rearing for quite sometime now. This new era was supposed to be an improvement over the old one, in which disciplining children was based on an unreflective use of fear, punishment and “do it, because I said so.”