Lisa Brookes Kift
Lisa Brookes Kift is psychotherapist in San Diego, California. Her therapy approach weaves together elements of cognitive behavioral, attachment and family of origin theories – as well as an emphasis on "emotional safety" as it relates to a strong relationship foundation. She has had great success in helping people resolve their individual issues and have more satisfying relationships - and continues to provide guidance via her mental health and relationship articles on her website and blog.
Relationship Tip: Practicing Empathy with your Partner in an Argument
- By Lisa Brookes Kift
- Published April 20, 2008
Most simply stated, empathy is the ability to put oneself in another's shoes - and also the willingness to respond to the person's needs. I believe it's one of the most important components of a happy, healthy relationship. Lack of empathy is a very common problem with couples. Many people never learned how to be empathetic from their primary caregivers or weren't modeled empathy by other important people in their lives. The good news is - it can be taught.
Here are 5 steps to practicing empathic communication when discussing a difficult subject:
1) Listen without interruption as your partner describes his/her feelings about the subject.
2) Pause and imagine how your partner might
be feeling.
3) Reflect back what the partner has said in regards to their feelings such as, "It sounds like you're saying you're upset because..."
4) Validate their feelings such as, "I understand that you're upset..." You don't have to get why - just allow them to have their feelings.
5) Offer support by saying something like, "Let's try to figure this out together."
This type of dialogue takes practice but the long term payoff of empathic communication is well worth it - and a key component of a strong relationship foundation.
To learn more about Lisa's therapy work or read more of her mental health and relationship articles and tips, go to www.lisakifttherapy.com.
Here are 5 steps to practicing empathic communication when discussing a difficult subject:
1) Listen without interruption as your partner describes his/her feelings about the subject.
2) Pause and imagine how your partner might
3) Reflect back what the partner has said in regards to their feelings such as, "It sounds like you're saying you're upset because..."
4) Validate their feelings such as, "I understand that you're upset..." You don't have to get why - just allow them to have their feelings.
5) Offer support by saying something like, "Let's try to figure this out together."
This type of dialogue takes practice but the long term payoff of empathic communication is well worth it - and a key component of a strong relationship foundation.
To learn more about Lisa's therapy work or read more of her mental health and relationship articles and tips, go to www.lisakifttherapy.com.
