Published on March 4, 2009

Here is a brief article that should help couples collaboratively manage tough economic circumstances

5 Tips to Help Your Relationship Weather Hard Economic Times

Like it or not, rich or poor, money plays a big role in modern relationships. And relationships can be hit hard by financially unstable times like the ones in which we are living. Whether the stress comes from a job loss, dwindling retirement savings, difficulties making ends meet, or differences in spending priorities, an economic downturn can also mean a downturn in the intimacy and harmony in your relationship. This is a natural result of the increased demands and decreased resources that are currently available. However, there are some things that you and your partner can do to weather the economic storm.

Communicate with each other about your values, fears, and struggles around money and finances. Be open and honest with your partner in discussing your economic situation. Talk not only about what you need and want but about your worries, concerns, and fears. Putting these “out on the table,” so to speak, is the first step in creating a collaborative approach to addressing money concerns. Listen intently and reflectively to your partner’s thoughts and feelings and remember that your partner’s thoughts and feelings are neither right nor wrong, they are what they are. In a similar vein, when you and your partner are discussing economic concerns, remember that catastrophizing and excessive worry are not helpful. Stick to the situation and information in front of you, and focus on productive planning and problem-solving.

Consider the current economic difficulties in the context of you and your partner’s economic history. If you grew up in a wealthy family while your partner grew up in a family that struggled to make ends meet, it would make sense that you and your partner would experience an economic downturn differently. When you don’t see your partner’s experience of, or reaction to, economic concerns in the light of where he or she comes from, his/her reactions may seem confusing and/or infuriating, and this may lead to unhelpful and hurtful arguments. That is why you must strive to put yourself in the shoes of your partner, at least for a bit.

Remember that you and your partner need to work together to get through the difficult times. You and your partner must work collaboratively to deal with the economic downturn. It cannot be a one sided effort. A one-sided effort is doomed to fail. Likewise, an adversarial approach, in which you pit yourself against your partner, will also fail. Remember that your partner is not the problem, the problem is the problem, and it will take both of you to deal with it.

Nurture your relationship in spite of the hard times. Create opportunities to spend intimate time with your partner. If there are activities or actions that have helped your relationship grow, continue doing these. If you haven’t been nurturing your relationship recently, get into the habit of spending time together that has no other purpose than appreciating your partner and your relationship. By doing this, your relationship maintains its priority status no matter what happens with your money.

Watch out for hidden dynamics. Disagreements about money can sometimes be a “red herring” for hidden conflicts related to power or trust. If you get the sense that either you or your partner does not have the permission to speak honestly about your opinions and concerns, there may be a power differential or distrust or both. If you think this may be the case, it can helpful to seek out professional help from a licensed psychologist or counselor.

During a time of financial challenge, your partner can be either your greatest support and asset or your worst enemy. Your relationship can either grow stronger or fall apart when faced with difficult times. The couples whose relationships are strengthened in the midst of economic adversity are able to communicate openly, stay focused on the problem, put themselves in the others’ shoes, work together, nurture the relationship, and seek help when needed. Apply these strategies and you will be well on your way to a relationship boom in the midst of an economic bust.