Top Seven Things Kids Need After The Divorce
- By Steven Griggs, Ph.D.
- Published November 7, 2009
- Divorce
- Unrated
Steven Griggs, Ph.D.
I've been an outpatient psychologist for 24 years. I work with many conditions every day, including relationships, self-esteem, work, assertiveness, children's behavior, anxiety and depression. I started writing ebooks on these subjects, which helped people change without therapy, but greatly speeded up therapy, too. To let people know about what I've written, people said I should write aritcles, which are like snippets of the full-blown ebook, which is available on my website. Dr. Griggs
View all articles by Steven Griggs, Ph.D.
Top Seven Things Kids Need After The Divorce
In my capacity as an outpatient psychologist, I have
worked with children of all ages for over twenty years.
Usually parents drag their kids into my office complaining
of a litany of bad behaviors, ranging from not cleaning up
their rooms, to getting bad grades, hitting their siblings,
or worse, stealing, fighting or doing drugs. I work with
parents to change their children's behavior. It is very
helpful for the parents to know their children's experiences.
This and the next article address what the child thinks about
the divorce; specifically, what the child wants and needs.
As parents separate, move out and/or divorce, the needs
of both the parents and children surface, often with great
intensity. This happens because the changes are usually big
and affect all concerned. Both the parents and children have
to adjust, to cope. Both want different things in order to
make their experience better. Here is a kind of
"wish list" from the child's point of view, written in more
or less children's language to parents.
1) I want both of you to stay involved in my life. That means
write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions.
If you are not involved, I feel like I am
that you do not really love me.
2) I want both of you to stop fighting and work hard to get
along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me.
When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong
and I feel guilty.
3) I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend
with each of you. Please support me and the time that I
spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel
like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the
other.
4) Please communicate directly with my other parent so that
I do not have to send messages back and forth. Do not tell
me about adult stuff. Do not ask me about the other parent
or my visits with the other parent or the other parent's life.
I cannot stand being in-between.
5) When talking about my other parent, please say only nice
things, or do not say anything at all. When you say mean,
unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are
expecting me to take your side.
6) Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my
life. I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what
is important, and to help me when I have problems.
7) Don't one of you move away or try to separate me from
either one of you. I want things to the same as they were
before, if that is possible.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.drgriggs.org
In my capacity as an outpatient psychologist, I have
worked with children of all ages for over twenty years.
Usually parents drag their kids into my office complaining
of a litany of bad behaviors, ranging from not cleaning up
their rooms, to getting bad grades, hitting their siblings,
or worse, stealing, fighting or doing drugs. I work with
parents to change their children's behavior. It is very
helpful for the parents to know their children's experiences.
This and the next article address what the child thinks about
the divorce; specifically, what the child wants and needs.
As parents separate, move out and/or divorce, the needs
of both the parents and children surface, often with great
intensity. This happens because the changes are usually big
and affect all concerned. Both the parents and children have
to adjust, to cope. Both want different things in order to
make their experience better. Here is a kind of
"wish list" from the child's point of view, written in more
or less children's language to parents.
1) I want both of you to stay involved in my life. That means
write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions.
If you are not involved, I feel like I am
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not important and that you do not really love me.
2) I want both of you to stop fighting and work hard to get
along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me.
When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong
and I feel guilty.
3) I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend
with each of you. Please support me and the time that I
spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel
like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the
other.
4) Please communicate directly with my other parent so that
I do not have to send messages back and forth. Do not tell
me about adult stuff. Do not ask me about the other parent
or my visits with the other parent or the other parent's life.
I cannot stand being in-between.
5) When talking about my other parent, please say only nice
things, or do not say anything at all. When you say mean,
unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are
expecting me to take your side.
6) Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my
life. I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what
is important, and to help me when I have problems.
7) Don't one of you move away or try to separate me from
either one of you. I want things to the same as they were
before, if that is possible.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.drgriggs.org
