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Breaking Free from Boomerang Love: Getting Unhooked from Borderline Personality Disorder Relationships By Lynn Melville ( Melville Publications )
Release Date: 2004-09-01
Average Customer Rating:
List Price: $19.95
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Product Description
Author Lynn Melville believes that people caught in abusive relationships -- whether Borderline or not -- are stuck in the middle of the Grief Cycle. They are unable to move forward to acceptance of the reality of the abuse they're receiving, because their abuser continues to change, back and forth from the person who acts like they love them -- to the person who hurts them. Melville began writing Breaking Free from Boomerang Love for herself, words to help her stay focused on reality. Over time, her writing began to change into letters to others who were still stuck in abuse. Written in a daily affirmation style, readers will re-feel and finish the grieving of their pain, laugh and then watch their denial disappear, achieve a new strength to stand up for themselves, and re-connect and reach for guidance from the God of their understanding.
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 Perpetuating myths and stereotypes about an entire group of people ( pershall )
As a borderline person who spent a year and a half in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, I take great offense when people say that you should run screaming from borderlines, and that relationships with a borderline person are necessarily turbulent, unhappy, and something to be gotten out of. When I found a therapist who said BPD could be managed, even "cured," and that she would stick with me throughout the treatment (as opposed to getting sick of me and firing me as a client because I was too great of a suicide risk), I began to get well. I was able to enter into a healthy relationship with someone who was NOT codependent. I note that another reader said that the only way a borderline could have a relationship was with a codependent, similarly self-loathing person. This just perpetuates the notion that we can't get better, we can't be sane, and we are people who should fundamentally be avoided. The stigma around this disorder causes a lot of people who are genuinely suffering and seeking help to be turned away by therapists and partners over and over again. According to this book and the user comments, it's all about saving yourself from becoming involved in a relationship with a borderline, something to be avoided AT ALL COSTS! Is there a book out there that suggests avoiding any other mentally ill people, shutting them out, getting away from them? No. If you're schizophrenic, bipolar, or have OCD, you're allowed to have relationships, but if you're borderline, you should be treated like a leper. Where is the logic in this? BPD can be very successfully managed. I used to be in and out of the hospital at least once a year, but that hasn't happened in four years now. Why? DBT. Please, please, if you are in a relationship with a borderline, consider suggesting DBT to them, and make sure they know you support and love them. We can be wonderful, vibrant, talented contributors to society. Why not attempt to love us and support us in finding effective treatment, rather than listening to this book and abandoning us? This just perpetuates a cycle that can, in fact, be ended.
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 A Must Read for those who love a BPD ( jennifer13757 )
Each page of this book brings new revelations to those of us who have been involved and even still love a significant other or parent with BPD. It brings mental relief because the author so clearly defines what terror, pain, bewilderment and exhilaration we have been through. She provides guidelines in each chapter of how to be good to ourselves and reach out for spiritual support. The checklists alone are worth the read as you say "yes" outloud to line after line of perplexing BPD behaviour that you have never had detailed before and you thought you were the only person going through it.
God bless all of us who love the BPD, as the author says, "we are the best of the best", the most giving, forgiving, understanding and loving people who have commmitted their hearts to loving these afflicted people. God bless the BPD's as well, whose suffering we cannot understand and who we do not hold entirely responsible for the harm they bring to us. They did not ask for the emotional burden and pain they battle every day. We can get away if we must, but they never can.
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A Lifesaving Book!
Reading this book was a defining moment in my life! I had struggled for thirty years in a troubled marriage. Always trying to please, understand and fix it! Blaming myself for the failures. Trying to 'make' him love me. It was as though a wall was between us. There was no intimacy. The emotional abuse was insidious. His narcissism grew with each passing year. Yet, I could never quite understand what was happening. He was clever enough to never push me too far. Just when he thought I was giving up on him, he would attempt a loving facade. He would 'hoover me' back in. Push/pull. In the final year, his behavior grew so truly bizarre that I almost had a breakdown.
He lied to a succession of fourteen different therapists, quite successfully too! In an effort to help our relationship, I read many different books. The topics ranging from affairs, emotional affairs, passive aggressive anger, compulsive lying, sexual addictions, narcissism, obsessive compulsive disorder, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and bipolar disorder. Finally, the answer came to me in the form of the book Boomerang Love. This book, as the author so perfectly puts it, gave a name to my pain! As I have heard many others say, the story of my life unfolded in the pages of this book. I was astounded. I felt as though the author had lived with us for the entire marriage. I grabbed a highlighter and no page was left unmarked. I cried. I rejoiced. I had never heard of this personality disorder. Now I had some longed for answers!
Oddly enough, just two months later his psychiatrist diagnosed him as having Borderline Personality Disorder. He denied it and changed doctors immediately. I gave him Boomerang Love and asked him to read it. He did so dutifully and stated, "This woman wants you to leave me". I corrected him. I pointed out that the author quite clearly stated that a person with this disorder can change if strongly motivated. I wanted him to read the book, because I thought he would see himself reflected in the pages and love our family enough to work towards change. Oh, he did see himself but was unwilling or unable to change. He grew worse because he believed that I was about to give up on the marriage. He was right. I struggled with him for two more painful months. I read Boomerang Love a second time. That was it, he was getting worse and so was I. I needed to save myself - as Lynn states in Boomerang Love: "I was the more valuable dog".
When I read this book, it was as though an enormous rock was lifted off of me. At last I knew that I was no longer responsible for fixing this marriage. In fact, it was quite clear to me that it was an impossible task. Such a huge relief. The fact that it was almost impossible for him to ever change or improve strongly influenced my decision to leave him.
I eventually sought out this author, Lynn Melville, and have had life coaching from her for almost a year. She speaks and writes from experience, unlike many of the therapists I previously had. She has lived with this devastating disorder in her life. She wrote about it having had 'on the job training'.
I have been apart from my husband for over a year now. I am struggling to repair the incredible damage he has done to my family. However, my life is in a far better place than it was during my years of confusion and despair. I would recommend Boomerang Love as the most definitive book on Borderline Personality Disorder. It is an invaluable tool for understanding the 'crazymaking' one is enduring from a BPD partner. Check out Lynn Melville's website. www.boomeranglove.com This could change your life. I hope it does. No one deserves to live with this confusion and pain.
GT
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Practical advice for those in pain ( twyrick@earthlink.net )
Most of the books dealing with borderline personality disorders (BPD) discuss the diagnosis of borderlines and treating the disorder. For the most part, those are for therapists and care-givers, or for those who want to understand what makes someone borderline and what they're going through.
This book, though, is for the boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives of borderlines: How being in an intimate relationship with a borderline makes you feel, what you can expect, what you can do to protect your own emotional health. The book creates the impression of being in a discussion with dozens of people who have lived through the experience, so it provides validation and insights that can't easily be found elsewhere.
The author specializes in helping the significant others of borderlines (rather than borderlines), and has a website providing other support services. Many of her observations and suggestions may give the appearance of indifference to the borderline's suffering, but this is necessary if she is to faithfully serve her readers.
I've read several books on BPD, and this one deserves a place on your shelf!
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Stopping the addiction! ( rrafla )
Great book if you are leaving a relationship with a BPD, or if you are or were addicted to someone with BDP - easy to read! ... The humor and the spirituality are just right.
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Addiction
