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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert By John M. GottmanNan Silver ( Three Rivers Press )
Release Date: 1999-05-16
Average Customer Rating:
List Price: $14.95
Price: $10.17 Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25.
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Product Description
John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. Here is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Packed with practical questionnaires and exercises, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.
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Amazon.com
According to most relationship books, the key to a solid marriage is communication, communication, communication. Phooey, says John Gottman, Ph.D., author of the much-lauded Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. There's much more to a solid, "emotionally intelligent" marriage than sharing every feeling and thought, he points out--though most couples therapists ineffectively (and expensively) harp on these concepts. Gottman, the director of the Gottman Institute, has found through studying hundreds of couples in his "love lab" that it only takes five minutes for him to predict--with 91 percent accuracy--which couples will eventually divorce. He shares the four not-so-obvious signs of a troubled relationship that he looks for, using sometimes amusing passages from his sessions with married couples. (One standout is Rory, the pediatrician who didn't know the name of the family dog because he spent so much time at work.) Gottman debunks many myths about divorce (primary among them that affairs are at the root of most splits). He also reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. They do engage in screaming matches. And they certainly don't resolve every problem. "Take Allan and Betty," he writes. "When Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN. When Betty is upset with him, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing's happened. Never in forty-five years of marriage have they sat down to have a 'dialogue' about their relationship." While this may sound like a couple in trouble, Gottman found that they pass the love-lab tests and say honestly that "they are both very satisfied with their relationship and they love each other deeply." Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce (including that of Rory, the out-of-touch doctor) and those of still-happy couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. --Erica Jorgensen
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77 principles
Its more 77 principles with its proper exercises. Gives you a down to earth overview on the matter. Not a magic book but will tell you that to improve the comunication and talk openly is not the final answer. Its been helpful to me, for my marriage and for my job as a therapist.(obviouly not a couples therapist).
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Genius in regards to relationships!
Gottman is a Genius when it comes to male/female relationships. I would suggest that anyone even thinking about getting married read this with their significant other first!
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Alot of common sense
Okay. So I feel that anyone who stops to think about life and peoples reaction and who takes the motto do until others what you would like others to do for you or treat others like you would like to be treated is pretty much set wthin the principles that make up 75% of this book. The other 25% I considered to be food for thought, nothing more. This book didn't offer me any significant insight though it did offer me some peace of mind.
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The relationship question. ( shabels )
I really enjoyed this book. It gave me a lot of insight and calmed my fears about relationships over 45.
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Interesting book, but... ( kristinadementjeva )
This book is definitely interesting and the author obviously made a good research, but those exercises after each chapter are a little tricky when it comes to doing them with your partner. If you don't have a good communication between each other then it can be challenging and actually make you fight while doing exercises. So if you are reading this book to improve your marriage that's in trouble already, you might want to read the book by yourself, not involving your partner and involve him only in the end (do all the exercises) if you think you are ready. The author also warns you before the first exercise to answer questions straight and not comment on any of them, for example: Your husband asks you a question "what do you think excites me?" , answer directly what do you think excites him, don't say "Well, we don't have any sex so how should I know" or something like that. It's a recommended book.
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