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THE THERAPIST PSYCHOLOGIST BOOK STORE
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The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work By Suzette Haden Elgin ( Prentice Hall Press )
Release Date: 2000-01-19
Average Customer Rating:
List Price: $16.95
Price: $11.53
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Product Description
Powerful techniques for combating verbal abuse on the job from the renowned author of the "Gentle Art" series -- with total sales surpassing one million copies. Obscenities, ethnic and sexist epithets, cutting jokes, subtle put-downs -- whether shouted, said with a smile, or sent via e-mail -- are all verbal abuse. For many, it is the everyday language of doing business. Suzette Haden Elgin, nationally recognized linguistics expert and author, applies her acclaimed techniques for combating verbal violence to common on-the-job situations. Forceful yet non-threatening, her proven strategies will empower workers of every level to recognize verbal abuse, gently defuse it, and replace it with courteous and effective communication. Citing examples grabbed from the headlines, Dr. Elgin reveals the cost of demeaning and destructive language to any business. Step by step, she shows how to identify and conquer the verbal toxins at the root of workplace hostility and tension. Readers will learn how to avoid "malpractice of the mouth" and sexual harassment; communicate sensitively and clearly with non-native English speakers; come across as strong, straightforward, and truthful; and take complete control of any verbal confrontation--calmly. "Workout sections" throughout the book provide plenty of opportunities for practice. With a look at communication skills crucial for e-mail, voice mail, and the Internet, as well as the special challenges facing home-based and virtual businesses, The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense At Work is the definitive guide to effective and humane communication on the job.
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 Not for beginners
This is one of half a dozen books I purchased in an attempt to deal with and understand bullying and office politics in the workplace. While the concepts and the knowledge presented are solid, the skills it takes to implement the tactics suggested are not skills the beginning bully buster or office politician has. I think someone who is already accomplished and aware of psychological principles, social skills and emotional intelligence could implement some of the suggestions, but this isn't a book you can pick up, read on break and walk away with anything that's going to change your life.
I'd consider this a text book more than a self-help book on verbal skills. The principles are real, are true and in the hands of those with the skill, intelligence and ability probably will make a world of difference in how they communicate. I think those that have that level of gamesmanship and ability already play the game well and this will help them polish their skills. Those new to office politics and semantics will give up and go on to something else or be intimidated by the layers and levels of gamesmanship that exist in the corporate world.
When I say "self-help" versus text book, I mean that "self-help" books can point out simple facts that a person can read and put into practice immediately and see some improvement. A textbook approach is something complex enough to require an outside observer who can comment and direct the learning attempt.
For instance, I have basic mechanical skills - like using a wrench, screwdriver, hammer and so on. I can read and understand basic instructions so I could read a "self-help" level book and figure out how to change my car's oil or flush the radiator in a few hours.
However, given my basic mechanical skills I wouldn't tackle rebuilding my transmission in a weekend with only a book, even a good book. Same here. A mechanic (someone already versed in the basics and intermediate to advanced skills needed) could read a book on rebuilding transmissions and do it without much fear or expert feedback, but a novice could not.
To get the most out of this book you need intermediate to advanced skills in several areas. Without a skill set in communications, learning methods or an extensive base of human interaction, communication, language skills, psychology experience/expertise etc. you'll have a hard time reading and using this book in a way that would seriously beef up your verbal defense skills. I would NOT recommend this book for someone looking for either a quick read, easy answers or a handful of self-help tips they can implement in an hour or a weekend. This book requires an understanding of language, how we learn, psychology and a dedication to work at changing one's approach to communication over time. I'd rate it a 3 simply because I expected a good simple self-help book and got a good text book instead. As far as rating it according to the knowledge it contains - probably a 5 in terms of insight and political smarts. The information and knowledge is there, but you have to have built up your verbal and people smarts to grasp it. If you can't do algebra why read a book on calculus and advanced trig?
Even with my background in communication and language, it's hard to read some portions of it and understand how to implement the tactics. The examples and the thought processes behind the observations the author makes are complex. I have the language and communication skills that should make this an easy read but it's been work to get through it. So while it makes some excellent observations about games, personal and office politics etc. be warned - it's not a fast, nor an easy read and the skills will take weeks if not months to implement in a way that significantly impacts the work situation. This is a book for someone seriously dedicated to being the best office politician and communicator they can be.
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 Good reading
This book gives excellent and specific advice on how to deal with issues involving conflict. Disagreeable people, verbal bullies and more are described, and application of various strategies for dealing with them. Recommended reading for anyone who has to deal with difficult people in almost any situation.
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 Baseless and contrived ( ss-den )
After taking some time to describe why she's qualified to write about the English language, the author spends a brief couple pages espousing some personal views of the language, then goes on to write a baseless book on psychology in the workplace. The book isn't about language and the author isn't qualified to write about what the book really is about.
Anyone who has ever worked in an office and most who haven't should have figured out everything in this book. The examples are contrived and not very relevant to real life. Unless you live on a movie set, this stuff doesn't happen like this anymore. Maybe it did in the 80s, but we're past the generation where HR doesn't control the workplace.
Save the money and buy a proper book on either psychology or something like NLP. Interestingly enough, the author goes through the trouble of discrediting some books that are more useful than the one she's written.
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Thought provoking
I originally borrowed this book from the library and thought it was so good I wanted to read it again. I was not able to buy it at a book store as I was told it was out of print, well, it was available from Amazon.
While I am confronted with comments that I consider rude, etc, in everyday life I am usually unable to respond due to one or more of the following reasons:
A. I don't care.
B. Think that the other person is having a bad day.
C. Am too shocked to reply (in an effective manner) or
D. Don't think on a negative/nasty level to reply.
This book has given me a better understanding and the importance of 'sementics' and 'pre-suppisitions', etc.
I have really found this book valuable, 'When did you think I didn't?'
Regards
Elizabeth
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Clear, practical and helpful. ( booksmovingon )
The book was clear, practical and interesting reading. The approach was structured and logical with good examples of the different ways people use words to communicate and/or manipulate. The information on how word choices affect/influence other people, and how you can respond/compensate when the effect is directed against you were helpful and effective. One review I read felt the suggested responses were flippant and provocative. I did not agree with that viewpoint after reading the book. The responses the reviewer was referring to were directed at someone who was not truly concerned with the content of what they had said, but in the reaction they were trying to provoke. Ms. Elgin said the responses (basically to respond as if the comment had been positive rather than negative) took the fun out of what was a game to them; and I have found that to be true.
The only thing I found difficult were the exercises she gave to allow you to see how intuitively you do understand these things. I understood them when she explained, and when I read her examples; but I found I couldn't effectively apply the understanding to the exercises with any certainty. I'd have loved some answer pages somewhere! Another specific exercise she gave that I found difficult had to do with the sensory modes people use in communication. I had no difficulty understanding or identifying what was being used, but when given an opportunity to take a comment using touch sensory analogies and convert them to sight or hearing . . . I found it extremely difficult. Maybe my brain works differently than hers and many who reviewed the book! The information was clear, the implications were helpful, but applying the information for purposes of shaping the emotional atmosphere intentionally was difficult for me to work out.
I've shared alot of the content with various people and have found them as interested in the concepts as I was. I would recommend the book--especially to those who may not have spent large amounts of time studying interpersonal communication.
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Addiction
