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When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life By Victoria Secunda ( Delta )
Release Date: 1991-05-01
Average Customer Rating:
List Price: $16.00
Price: $10.88
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Product Description
This, the first book ever to say that mother is not always a girl's best friend, is based on a landmark study of the mother-daughter relationships. Secunda offers breakthrough advice on understanding, and improving, what could be a woman's most critical relationship.
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 Finding Freedom from Guilt
The best thing this book did for me was help to release me from the guilt of not wanting to be like my mother or be with my mother all the time. The Bad Mother Taboo is strong indeed. Although some of the catagories of mothers and daughters outlined in the book do not fit every aspect of such a complex relationship, they are helpful guidelines.
A threat I often heard from my mother and others while growing up was that the way I felt about my mother and they way I treated her, was how my children would feel and treat me. It took a long time for me to buy this book because I felt so disloyal and ungrateful for even approaching the idea that my mother and I didn't have the fabulous, loving friendship she projects to herself and others.
Although the book did not address all of my needs and questions, it did help me understand my mother better -- her sad history and the fears that drive her.
Love is never ideal. Be honest with yourself. Hidden feelings tend to bubble to the surface anyway. How you think you should feel about Mom is not always what you actually feel. It is okay to be angry. She doesn't own you.
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 Boring and no advice
The book is too boring and no advice is provided on how to handle the situations.
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 Unique and Special Approach
This book is aimed at individuals that have not had success with the typical "forgive and all is better" approach to failed, strained or toxic relationships. The truth, however frustrating, is that one individual cannot change another- they can only change themselves. Forgiveness is important, but when it is not enough to rectify a relationship, one needs to be able to come to terms with how to move past the guilt and responsibility that inevitably comes. As the daughter of a mother who suffered from mental illness, no matter how often I forgave or allowed toxic behavior, I had to come to terms with the woman for whom being a mother was just not possible. This book single handedly saved me, although sadly not the relationship.
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 When You And Your Mother Can't Be Friends
This is not a very good book in terms of a tool to work through a difficult relationship between a mother and a daughter. I gave it three stars in that is is written well and is an easy read. I did not however find the advise I was looking for to enhance my relationship with my daughter. I would not recommend this book.
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 Not really about relashionships ( olga-zam )
I didn't like the book. It is focused on biased descriptions of some kind of "typical" mother-characters and I would expect serious analysis of a person's relashionship with their mother. It seems like the book assumes you'll read these "typical" descriptions, find the one that "matches" and this alone will miraculously solve your problem.
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Addiction
