Overheard in a Mental Hospital ( burnylumbert )
I was working the BiPolar shift in the cafeteria of the local mental hospital and overheard this and wanted to share it with you. Bernard Lumbert, orthopolar designate1st Dr. "So Carl, I see you have finished "Creating Mental Illness" by Alan Horwitz?" (The author spells his name with two "l's" I noted but then I am delusional and observe things others miss) 2nd Dr. "Yes Sig, Enjoyed it very much. A pretty good read." (He would probably fake an orgasm, I mused, all reviewers say "good read") 1st Dr. "Good read? My gawd it's supposed to be fairly heavy stuff. You and I went through Dynamic Psychotherapy and we thought that was heavy. Isn't this social source stuff new? Wasn't Compte an alienist or something?" (Yess, dear sir, and the thought will surge up to your senium that if Sociologists can define maladaptive behavior, they may be able to cure it. Bye bye MD/OD) 2nd Dr. "Well, I skipped around a lot but read chapter 7, about social sources of mental illness, twice." (Read it twice; understand it once, I thought) 1st Dr. "We are psychiatrists, aren't we supposed to know that about sources, and origins and genetic vulnerability? Doesn't that nature trump the nurture of homelife?" (You are drawing to an inside straight with your trump I sez, you can't change people's minds with facts.) 2nd Dr. "Let me give you an example. Do you have patients that are involved with heavy drinking, drug use, and cooking their company books?" (I wait breathlessly) 1st Dr. "Why sure we see them every day. They are not sick, not diagnosable with medical syndromes." (hawl-a lu-ya!) 2nd Dr. "And that is what Dr. Horwitz explains so very well. Many cultural excesses can be transformed into a morbid fixation just like a personality trait becomes a personality disorder if you find it in the DSM. You just add.. "Just add three or more digits..," chortled Dr. Sig. "If it has numbers, it is a personality DISORDER, otherwise it is a personality TRAIT like biting your nails." (Bite this I thought as I handed them each a sliver of new whitefish we just got in.) 2nd Dr. "Well, yes and yes. In our heart of hearts we all know that the etiology, the origin, the mother load(sic) of most dysfunction in most patients is societal." (yes, and you can inherit post traumatic stress syndrome from your grandchildren, I thought as I ladled out a side of creamcheese.) 1st Dr. "But, as Howrwitz noted, the DSM manual, our bible, now lists over 400 mental illnesses and when my dad was practicing there was only 40 on the list. That's quite an increase." (once there were only two rabbits in Australia, I thought, now look at how many there are.) 2nd Dr. "How do you explain the vast increase?" (I waited breathlessly for a vast response) 1st Dr. "Simple, according to Horwitz, there is a hobby amongst the authors of the DSM to create all new diseases that could be treated with all new meds only, thereby creating an expanding market for pharmacies and script writers and downplaying the simpler psychologists who do only oral therapy." (well, the reply was only half vast I thought) 2nd Dr. "See if I got this straight. You are suggesting that the 1,000 scientists who created the DSM, the largest single book written by a committee since the King James Bible, were working in cahoots with providers to sell more drugs?" (This guy is a reglar Sherlock homes, I ruminated as I waited for the next non-sequitir) "Bernie can I have some more pickle?" Dr. Sigmund asked As he proffered me the plate with one quarter of a dilly on it. "Sure", I replied as I took my razor sharp Swiss Army scalpel and brissed the cucumber with two swift incisions, making three slices where only one was before. He never noticed the deception, but Carl thought, "That explains it. You just keep slicing mental illness thinner and thinner". Did you know I could read minds? Seriously, I can read minds. You are gonna like this book!
|